Her Eyes
by Kakyd
Summary: He never wanted to look in the mirror and see her eyes again.


Disclaimer: Don't own 'em and I'm certainly not making any money off this.

**Her Eyes**

He supposed that working his way through a bottle of liquor wasn't the recommended way of dealing with his mood, but it was certainly doing the job. Halfway through the bottle and he couldn't quite remember what had instigated this most recent binge. He considered that to be a vast improvement over the last couple of hours.

It seemed like so much had happened over the past two months that he couldn't even pinpoint what the real issue was. It just seemed like every time he turned around he was getting some other problem thrown on to the heap of crap that was currently his existence. If it wasn't the current paramour, it was his teachers or his family.

The universe apparently had a score to settle with him but unfortunately he couldn't even keep track of what they were playing. About five shots back he had decided that the main point of this little game seemed to be confirming that he did indeed have a breaking point. Beyond that…he had no clue.

What he did know was that the pile of crap had slowly been building up all semester and now he could barely see over it.

He splashed another inch of booze into his glass and thunked the bottle down on the floor. It grazed the edge of the PADD unit lying next to his thigh; the cracked screen the only outward sign of his fury. He had managed to keep himself from completely flying apart, but only through the judicious use of alcohol. Ha; self medication worked every time. He didn't care what the 'professionals' said.

He supposed if he concentrated really hard he'd find that the final straw had come in the form of a short message left during the middle of the latest exam he wasn't so sure he had passed.

"_Hey sweetie, I'm not going to be able to make it back to San Francisco. We got last minutes orders from Star Fleet. We're being sent as a replacement to mediate…well I guess it doesn't really matter, does it. " _

A pause and then a small sigh.

"_I'm sorry, but you know how it is. Just…have a good vacation and I'll see you the next time we're on planet. In case I don't get to talk to you before then, Merry Christmas. And stay out of trouble. I love you."_

A weak smile that didn't reach her watery eyes and then static as the transmission ended.

The PADD unit had taken flight immediately following the initial viewing. He had since watched it again; once while still relatively sober and again a few shots later. If he looked hard enough he was positive that he could find the joke buried somewhere in the message.

'_Oh you thought it was over? You thought maybe you would catch a break? Why, because it's the Holiday Season and all that crap? Sorry buddy, no can do. '_

He didn't have to look so hard to see a bottle matching his half empty next to her on the desk.

He snorted into his glass. Right, because that was certainly his life. One break right after another.

He lurched to his feet, his boot catching the edge of the PADD as he found his balance and stumbled towards the en suite bathroom. The unit disappeared under the bunk.

His shoulder caught on the door frame and he crashed to a stop in front of the sink. Glanced up and froze at the sight reflecting back him.

Faint stubble lined his chin and dark bags highlighted the pink of his bloodshot eyes. But it was the eyes themselves that gave him pause. He recognized those eyes; they were _her_ eyes after she had been disappointed yet again.

One more failed relationship in a long line that just never seemed to work out. One more year passed where he had failed to live up to the memory of _him_. It was one thing after another; until she didn't even need a reason.

And with a sudden clarity he knew exactly where all of this was going to end if he didn't get off this ride right now. He turned back to the room and grabbed the bottle of the amber liquid. He may regret this later, but he would force himself to remember those eyes.

The bottle tilted and the alcohol poured out; it swirled the drain before disappearing. He imagined all of the annoyances and disappointments of the last couple of months going down with it.

Turning on the tap, he dropped the bottle in the garbage receptacle and ran his hands under the water, then over his face. He looked back in the mirror; he was still a mess, but his eyes looked more like his own now.

The universe wanted to play with him? Fine, he would let it. But he wasn't going to give it that little extra push by adding to his own problems.

And he certainly wasn't going to let it win.

* * *

A/N: Not so sure about posting this one. Written as a catharsis of sorts; it has been a long and trying semester with a seemingly never-ending supply of problems. But it's the first time all semester I've had the time and interest to write longer than ten minutes at a time, so I figured I would post it.

I was intentionally vague as to who the character is, but I think some identifying characteristics may have slipped in anyway. Thanks for reading.

Fic is not betaed.


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